Already got asked if we're dating
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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