I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
