I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
