i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
