if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize