when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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