i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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