My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My dick has a subreddit
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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