So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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