I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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