Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
