Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
