I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
