i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
