Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
