Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
