you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
