i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i now understand why vodka
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
