I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
