Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
