My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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