Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
