I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
