It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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