Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
