I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
