did you get engaged???
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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