Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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