I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize