it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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