i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
