my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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