Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
