I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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