I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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