Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
