He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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