From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
