I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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