Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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