i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize