Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
