i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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