You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm passing your future prison.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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