3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
