I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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