Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
