yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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