so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
