i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
