I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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