just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
