Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
