I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
