she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
