he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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