I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
