I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
