I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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