: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
