the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize