ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
