Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
