in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
