I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
