Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
only you would photoshop your dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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