i just wanna soil my oats bro
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize