I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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