how can u be prego again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
