It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize