I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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