Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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