I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
