I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
