i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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