im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
