its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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