his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
