I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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