Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize