Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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